I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
