I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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