just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
