Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
