is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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