I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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