Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize