You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize