He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
