home. puking in laundry basket.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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