we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
