So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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