Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
