I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
