Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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