kristin has been a bad kristin
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
