I think my vagina is haunted
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
