Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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