did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
