Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
