I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize