I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
