she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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