New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
