maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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