Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
