I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
