everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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