i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
