You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
