I'm eating all of the evidence.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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