Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
