FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
