yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
