Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
