It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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