i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
