look no pants
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
