I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize