His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
