I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
