I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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