So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
