oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
