Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
