I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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