I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
