New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
