you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
