i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
