Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
