Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
