I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
