she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
