Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
