I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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