just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
