I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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