physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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