And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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