I only kidnapped one of them. chill
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
