I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
