Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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