A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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