do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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