I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is wine microwaveable?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
