Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
