I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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