Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
