I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
