I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
